How to Redefine Success When You're Not Rich by 40

It's a common and disheartening feeling, especially for those who entered the workforce around the 2007 financial crisis: reaching your 40s and feeling like you haven't achieved the financial success you see flaunted in affluent neighborhoods or on social media. The gap between the ultra-wealthy and everyone else can feel vast and discouraging. However, a deep dive into this feeling reveals that the core issue may not be a lack of success, but a flawed definition of it.

Redefine Your Yardstick for Success

The first and most powerful step is to challenge the idea that success is synonymous with wealth. Many argue that a truly successful life is built on pillars that have little to do with money.

Relationships and Family: Having friends who love you, a family that supports you, and children you've raised are immense successes by any historical or evolutionary standard.
Health and Well-being: Simply being healthy and able-bodied at 40 is a victory that a large percentage of humans throughout history never achieved.
Contentment: The ultimate success may be to be content with yourself and your life, regardless of accumulated wealth or fame. The yogic principle of Santosha (contentment) is a valuable practice to cultivate.
Personal Skills: One person shared their story of a perceived "failed" career as a developer. They reconciled this by realizing their true success was the ability to build any application they could imagine, a skill independent of its market value.

The Illusion of Wealth and the Comparison Trap

The lives of the ultra-rich you observe may not be what they seem. Many people spend well beyond their means to project an image of wealth. That fancy car is likely leased, and that huge house might be making them "house poor," living paycheck-to-paycheck to maintain their lifestyle. As one commenter noted, the median wealth of a Ferrari owner isn't even in the seven figures—a testament to how often appearances are deceiving.

Comparison is the engine of this anxiety. The key is to disengage.

Delete Social Media: It's a curated highlight reel designed to make you feel inadequate. Removing it is a common and effective strategy.
Get Out of Your Bubble: If you live in an expensive city, your perception of "normal" is skewed. The median household income in the U.S. is far lower than the tech salaries of SF or the wealth of the West Village.

Practical Steps to Move Forward

Once you begin to shift your mindset, you can take practical steps to improve your sense of well-being and financial security.

Find Your Joy: Make a list of things that genuinely bring you moments of joy. Often, these are inexpensive or free: a walk in the park, cooking a meal, listening to music, or spending time on a hobby. Once you know what truly makes you happy, you'll realize you may not need astronomical sums of money to live a good life.
Aim for "F-You Money": Instead of dreaming of yachts, a more realistic and empowering goal is to achieve a level of financial independence where you are no longer beholden to a job you dislike. This provides freedom and security, which are far more valuable than luxury goods.
Start Saving Now: It's never too late. While you may have missed the last decade's market gains, starting to save at 40 is infinitely better than not starting at all. Thanks to the power of compounding, a few thousand dollars saved in a retirement account can still grow to a significant sum by the time you retire.