Beyond the Startup Grind: Reforging a Software Career After Burnout and Betrayal

A software engineer, aged 30 and with six years of experience including founding multiple companies, shared their profound disillusionment with their career path on Hacker News. Precipitated by a recent startup's failure to secure seed funding, months of unpaid work, a deteriorating relationship with a co-founder, and a deeply unprofessional privacy breach by a VC from their accelerator, the engineer expressed feelings of inadequacy, burnout, and a desire to leave the software industry entirely. This post resonated with many, sparking a rich discussion on navigating career crises in tech.

Distinguishing Toxic Culture from the Profession

A central theme in the comments was the distinction between the high-stress, often volatile startup ecosystem (particularly in San Francisco) and the software engineering profession as a whole. Many, like commenter snuxoll, argued that the OP's burnout was likely a product of this specific environment rather than an inherent dislike for software development itself. snuxoll shared their own positive experience working for a privately-owned, non-"tech company" for 12 years, enjoying good work-life balance and meaningful, albeit not glamorous, work while living in a rural area.

User queenkjuul echoed this, describing their SWE role at a non-tech company in Chicago as a "nice stable pleasant 9-5 job" with a $140k salary providing a comfortable life, starkly contrasting with the OP's experience. The consensus was that SF/big tech/startup culture is not the only way to be an SWE.

Rethinking SWE Roles and Interviewing

Commenters offered several practical alternatives to the "startup grinder":

Work for Non-Tech Companies: Many industries (banking, finance, insurance, e-commerce, manufacturing) need skilled software engineers and often provide more stable, less pressured environments with reasonable pay and fewer leetcode-style interviews.
Relocate or Work Remotely: Moving away from high-cost, high-pressure tech hubs like SF was a common suggestion. The OP themselves mentioned considering New York or even Portland, Maine, for a change of pace and culture.
Focus on Different Skills: snuxoll, a hiring manager, emphasized valuing problem-solving, critical thinking, and the ability to research and learn independently over perfect recall of syntax or algorithm patterns. They even offered the OP a CV review and mock interview, highlighting that not all interviews are about "implementing JSON parsers from scratch in 20 minutes."

Addressing Burnout, Finances, and Personal Well-being

The OP's distress was palpable, mentioning feeling lost, scared, and embarrassed, comparing their situation to peers with more money or families. Key advice included:

Seek Professional Help: The OP's decision to start therapy was widely supported.
Leverage Financial Savings: Several commenters pointed out that the OP's savings of "a few hundred K" is a significant asset, providing a cushion to take time off, retrain, or relocate without immediate financial desperation.
Perspective on Success: 90s_dev advised against comparing one's life to others, emphasizing finding personal fulfillment over external validation.
Stand Firm on Compensation: potholereseller's direct advice to "Reject vibes; demand money" and to refuse unpaid work resonated, especially concerning the co-founder's expectation that the OP continue working without a salary.

Exploring Pivots Beyond Traditional SWE

While many encouraged the OP to explore different kinds of SWE roles first, alternatives were also discussed:

Tech-Adjacent Roles: Suggestions included technical sales, technical writing, product management (though the OP felt their resume was too fragmented), or becoming an auditor specializing in tech (e.g., privacy, security, compliance), leveraging their existing domain knowledge.
Trades: While some suggested trades like electrician or plumber due to demand, others pointed out the long road to financial success, physical toll, and potential volatility.
Following Other Interests: The OP mentioned an interest in law school and a passion for being an arborist, highlighting the possibility of a complete career change if tech is no longer fulfilling.

Ultimately, the discussion provided the OP with a range of perspectives and actionable advice, emphasizing that their negative experiences, while valid and severe, might not define the entire software engineering field. The strong community support and practical suggestions offered a roadmap for reassessing their career and finding a path that aligns better with their well-being and financial needs.