Human Being, Not Human Doing: Redefining Your Measure of a Fulfilling Life

In a world that often equates success with productivity and financial gain, how do we define a life well-lived? A recent discussion explored this very question, revealing a profound shift in personal values away from external achievements and towards a richer, more internal state of being.

Human Being, Not Human Doing

A central theme that emerged is the distinction between being a "human doing" and a "human being." The former is trapped in a cycle of work and accomplishment, while the latter finds value in simple existence and presence. One individual shared a poignant and difficult life lesson learned after a divorce. For years, he believed his primary measure was to be a provider, working relentlessly to support his family.

Many years after my first divorce I asked my ex-partner why we split. she told me that I was never there, you cannot have a relationship with someone who is not there.

Her starkest revelation was that she would have been happier with half the income if it meant having more quality time with him. This powerful story serves as a cautionary tale about the true cost of relentless work: you can't have a relationship with someone who isn't present. The real measure, then, becomes the quality of your presence in the lives of those you love.

This journey to 'just be' isn't passive. It often requires significant personal work—unlearning societal pressures and introjected values to discover who you are and what you truly want.

Alternative Frameworks for Life

Beyond this core idea, several other practical measures for life were suggested:

Regret Minimization: A forward-looking approach where the main measure is whether you'll regret not doing something. It's a simple gut check to guide decisions based on what you know in the present moment.
The Path of Least Resistance: Another perspective is to measure life by "the ability to satisfy needs with the least struggle." This isn't about laziness, but about efficiency, peace, and designing a life that flows more naturally rather than one filled with constant friction.
Life as a Saunter, Not a Race: One contributor beautifully reframed life not as a competitive marathon with a finish line, but as a short, 100-meter saunter. The goal isn't to win or even to finish quickly, but simply to complete the journey at your own pace, soaking in the experience of being alive.

Ultimately, these personal philosophies converge on a single point: the richest measures of life are often found not in what we achieve, but in how we live—with presence, with minimal regret, and with an appreciation for the journey itself.